One of these truths has just recently come to light. We had to turn away one of our students in our program because of his actions toward another student. Each person who comes into our classroom signs an agreement stating they will not disrespect teachers or students in any way and may be dismissed if they break that rule. This is typically not an issue because our students are here to learn; they find friends and acquaintances along the way but the only words of hate they utter are towards fractions or commas, not people.
It's hard for me to process this time because I was personally berated by this student before they left and felt very uncomfortable in their presence. However, I think it's harder for me too because of the society we are currently in. Women are typically blamed when men target them because of how the woman dresses or behaves. This fact made me want to stay silent instead of speaking up; I did not want to be blamed for my own feelings of discomfort based simply on my outfit of choice for that day. I still chose to speak up because I knew it was necessary to make sure none of our students were being given the same treatment. Though unfortunately one student was, we were able to handle the situation immediately and work to put out classroom back at equilibrium again.
I also find this so difficult because we can no longer help this student in their goals. This person just recently lost a job and became homeless; they came back to our classroom to get their education back on track to get their lives on track. I feel...some currently undefinable emotion because I cannot help this person reach their educational and career goals, something I feel undeniably called to do.
So my heart is between a rock and a hard place right now. I feel that the actions were completely justified but I am also upset that we cannot help a person who clearly needs support. These emotions are not new to me but have been cropping up more and more recently. It’s the same emotions felt when you lose a loved one. You don’t want them to leave your world, but you know that they will be in less discomfort. It’s the feeling when you are caught between two potential jobs, not knowing which one to turn to for a career of growth and development.
But there must be something else there between that rock and that hard place you are in. It’s not just a lot of stone. There’s feeling, emotion, love, care, tenderness. I mean, I wouldn’t be feeling these emotions if I didn’t care for my students. So I guess I’m in some discomfort right now, but there will be sunshine later.
The song I chose is called “Broken Arrows” because I absolutely love the message it brings. The video has lyrics on it and I recommend reading them (you can find them by clicking HERE too). I think everyone can relate to the thought that we have hope in our heart even when we shoot broken arrows in the dark.